The Downfall

Hi guys,

This post is a little bit of a downer compared to my last one a few months ago, as I had just started my new job then, and now I'm set to be leaving it in just over a week. 

I've had a little bit of a roller-coaster ride since starting here, with struggling when I initially started, but then having a hospital appointment not long after my last blog post (when I decided enough was enough and I needed help from a doctor again) where I received a steroid injection and discussed the potential of starting a new weekly/biweekly injection or monthly infusion - this will be decided upon on my next appointment. Anyway, I returned to work again after the appointment, and found myself coping much better, and managing shifts with a lot less pain (although I was still in pain, just less) thanks to the steroid injection I had. But... Unfortunately that wore off after 6 weeks (when I was due to go back for another appointment, but had to rearrange, little did I know it'd be a whole month later!) So, at the moment I'm back to square one, suffering so badly I've had to leave my job (well, in a week)...

It's a real downer really, as I was enjoying the job, I love hosting and my fellow team members are great. But I'm often finding myself unable to finish my shift, and having to leave early, and then arriving home unable to walk any more. Genuinely, there have been nights where I've got home from work, crying from the pain and the misery it causes me and I've not eaten anything because I can't deal with the pain of standing up & walking... And the pain has made me lose sleep often, and I know it's not a healthy way to live at all, in fact it has made me feel quite poorly on a regular basis.

I find the whole thing incredibly degrading, I've honestly never felt so worthless. The fact that I can't even look after myself in a tiny accommodation which has no stairs, and everything is only a few steps away at the age of 21 kills me a little bit. It's just totally ruined me basically, we all know I hate giving up on things, and I often like to define myself as a "trooper" for all the stuff I've managed to do by not giving up. 

But unfortunately this time I have to give up, and I'll be moving in with Simon and his family, and see where I can go from there... Fingers crossed I'll be up and running again shortly, I'll be sure to blog about it when I am, but in the meantime, it'll be time to rest and prepare myself for my next hospital appointment - which will probably include being prescribed a new injection :(

TTFN,
Ta ta for now.

My Update On Life!

Hellooooo!!! 

It's been a while, again! (Sorry, I have no consistency, my baddd!) I've actually been quite a busy bee over the last month, with moving to Butlins and starting my job here. But I've been here for over a month now, so I figured it was about time that I blogged again. Well, I suppose if you're reading this, you'll be glad to know I'm having a fantastic time so far, I've met loads of amazing new friends (who, I don't have any photos with, so there's actually no proof... Note to self: Take more photos with friends!) who've made settling in here easy, and have also made me super happy, naturally! 

Team!

I've been enjoying my job immensely too, I've been designated as 'host' which means I get to greet all the guests at the door, take them to their tables and wave them goodbye as they leave. It's lovely because I get to meet and chat with so many different, lovely people who all have interesting stories to tell. Initially, I didn't enjoy hosting very much, but with the help of my fellow team, it's become a role that I love :) But, although there is so much positive stuff, obviously, there's my arthritis to ruin things. Well, I say ruin things, it doesn't ruin anything as such, but it is a constant struggle, and I will often find myself terribly limping home after a day of work. It's a pain in the butt to put it frankly, but it's not been anywhere near as bad as I expected.

I've tried a few new things since starting work here, well, to be precise: Copper insoles, glucosamine tablets and "paingone pen". For the insoles, and the tablets, I'm not really sure if they're helping or not, it's a struggle to tell when you're constantly active. As for the paingone pen I've not used it much yet (for those wondering, the 'paingone pen' is a thing that looks like a pen, that you click against where is hurting 30 times and it sends tiny electric shocks to it, to make it not hurt). The reason I've not used it much, is because I'm not generally sure when to use it or where... I've tried it on my ankle with little success, but to be fair, if there was anything out there that could take away the pain from my ankle, I'd be amazed and love it forever. But, obviously I'm going to persist with all of these things (including Flexiseq, which I'm still on with), it's nice to try some things which are different (and not NHS prescribed!) 

On the note of NHS prescriptions, I generally feel a hell of a lot better generally since quitting my methotrexate and folic acid, obviously not arthritis wise (although, I wouldn't say I feel any different arthritis wise) but like, general wellbeing wise, I obviously feel less ill, and just generally happier without it. As much as methotrexate was a Godsend during my younger years, it got to a point where I couldn't imagine putting myself through taking that medication for the rest of my life, like, I would genuinely rather suffer with my arthritis more for the rest of my life, than take that vile medication... (Although, if you take methotrexate, and it's good for you, and you're okay with it, you keep on it!) It's a good medication, but it was simply too rough for me, I couldn't deal with the days of sickness it would put me through, and the anxiety every week of knowing I had to inject it and then obviously... The blood tests. (My gosh, I am so grateful to not have those right now!).

So, all in all, I've had a pretty good month, I've learnt a lot about myself, and grown as a person (I think)... As cheesy as that sounds... But I'm honestly loving life here, and I'm sure it can only continue to get better. :)

Cheers for reading,
TTFN, ta ta for now :)