Hi guys,
This post is a little bit of a downer compared to my last one a few months ago, as I had just started my new job then, and now I'm set to be leaving it in just over a week.
I've had a little bit of a roller-coaster ride since starting here, with struggling when I initially started, but then having a hospital appointment not long after my last blog post (when I decided enough was enough and I needed help from a doctor again) where I received a steroid injection and discussed the potential of starting a new weekly/biweekly injection or monthly infusion - this will be decided upon on my next appointment. Anyway, I returned to work again after the appointment, and found myself coping much better, and managing shifts with a lot less pain (although I was still in pain, just less) thanks to the steroid injection I had. But... Unfortunately that wore off after 6 weeks (when I was due to go back for another appointment, but had to rearrange, little did I know it'd be a whole month later!) So, at the moment I'm back to square one, suffering so badly I've had to leave my job (well, in a week)...
It's a real downer really, as I was enjoying the job, I love hosting and my fellow team members are great. But I'm often finding myself unable to finish my shift, and having to leave early, and then arriving home unable to walk any more. Genuinely, there have been nights where I've got home from work, crying from the pain and the misery it causes me and I've not eaten anything because I can't deal with the pain of standing up & walking... And the pain has made me lose sleep often, and I know it's not a healthy way to live at all, in fact it has made me feel quite poorly on a regular basis.
I find the whole thing incredibly degrading, I've honestly never felt so worthless. The fact that I can't even look after myself in a tiny accommodation which has no stairs, and everything is only a few steps away at the age of 21 kills me a little bit. It's just totally ruined me basically, we all know I hate giving up on things, and I often like to define myself as a "trooper" for all the stuff I've managed to do by not giving up.
But unfortunately this time I have to give up, and I'll be moving in with Simon and his family, and see where I can go from there... Fingers crossed I'll be up and running again shortly, I'll be sure to blog about it when I am, but in the meantime, it'll be time to rest and prepare myself for my next hospital appointment - which will probably include being prescribed a new injection :(
TTFN,
Ta ta for now.
