The Rollercoaster Known As 'Life'

Hello! I'm back again! I hope you're all doing well :)

So, it's all been happening in the past month! I've just got back from having a lovely bloodtest (2 forms instead of 1!) and a chest x-ray, just to doubly make sure I've never had tuberculosis or hepatitis. Which, as far as I know - I never have, so that should be fine, but I had to have them so that the hospital can be all fine and happy to prescribe me... Drum roll please.... ADALIMUMAB! (try pronouncing that when you're drunk) Otherwise known as Humira. This is another injection, but it's every 2 weeks as opposed to weekly (phew! I suppose) I've literally been waiting to have this medication for years! When I was about 16 (so 5 years ago) my doctor tried applying for the funding to get me it a few times but was declined every time, but it turns out Lincoln are lucky enough to be able to just give it out when they want to. So I've just got to wait for my results and then get on that, I'm sort of excited, but sort of nervous at the same time.

The downside to Adalimumab (asides from it being an injection) is that it's also recommended that I get back on Methotrexate again (boooooooooo!!!) I'm obviously quite reluctant, but I've said I'll give it a go! 

Day before hospital appointment and 2 weeks after

 

I've also been taking Prednisolone (steroids) tablets for the past month, and as you can see from my picture of my bad ankle, my swelling has gone down so much it's crazy! Like, my foot on the right side of the picture nearly looks like a normal human foot! This doesn't mean my ankle's better though, it still swells up occasionally, and I can't really move it at all. And due to losing the swelling it's a lot more vulnerable and gets cold really easy now which hurts a great deal, but it's a step in the right direction! :)

Asides from all this hospital-y stuff, I've been trying to keep myself busy with not working and all. I've been working towards walking again and I've managed to get myself down to one crutch most of the time, two crutches when I'm in a great deal of pain, and wheelchair when we go shopping or something. Hopefully in time I'll build up my strength again to be able to just use a walking stick, and then work my way up to walking longer distances, as I use the chair at the minute as I'm just exhausted after quite short amounts of walking. I have hope! :)

You can find my page at:
www.facebook.com/GeronimoCrafts

I recently auditioned and got the job with the Lincolnshire Road Safety Partnership, performing in their corporate tour which we will start rehearsing for in the New Year, which I'm excited for, and it's adding motivation to get me better and walking again! And I've been doing some crafting! I've been making Christmas presents for all my family, but I hope in time to be making some stuff to sell, so I set up a Facebook page for it (feel free to give it a like!) It's been nice to do something which is rewarding but not physically demanding, it feels so good when you finish something and it looks fabulous! 

Give us a listen at Siren 107.3FM or online at www.sirenonline.co.uk

 And last but not of course not least, I've recently started co-hosting and co-producing a little radio show with Simon called Take the Stage, which we do every Sunday 2-3pm (feel free to tune in!) It's good fun, we play lots of great show and film music and generally have a chatter about local theatre and films on at the minute.

So, as you can see I've been trying uber hard to keep busy haha! But hopefully Simon and I will shortly be moving out together and hopefully I can get back into work again, so overall, feeling pretty optimistic at the minute! Woohoo!

Anyway, thanks for reading, well done if you made it this far - I realised I've babbled on quite a bit! Next update will be soon I'm sure!

TTFN, Ta ta for now!!
 :)

The Downfall

Hi guys,

This post is a little bit of a downer compared to my last one a few months ago, as I had just started my new job then, and now I'm set to be leaving it in just over a week. 

I've had a little bit of a roller-coaster ride since starting here, with struggling when I initially started, but then having a hospital appointment not long after my last blog post (when I decided enough was enough and I needed help from a doctor again) where I received a steroid injection and discussed the potential of starting a new weekly/biweekly injection or monthly infusion - this will be decided upon on my next appointment. Anyway, I returned to work again after the appointment, and found myself coping much better, and managing shifts with a lot less pain (although I was still in pain, just less) thanks to the steroid injection I had. But... Unfortunately that wore off after 6 weeks (when I was due to go back for another appointment, but had to rearrange, little did I know it'd be a whole month later!) So, at the moment I'm back to square one, suffering so badly I've had to leave my job (well, in a week)...

It's a real downer really, as I was enjoying the job, I love hosting and my fellow team members are great. But I'm often finding myself unable to finish my shift, and having to leave early, and then arriving home unable to walk any more. Genuinely, there have been nights where I've got home from work, crying from the pain and the misery it causes me and I've not eaten anything because I can't deal with the pain of standing up & walking... And the pain has made me lose sleep often, and I know it's not a healthy way to live at all, in fact it has made me feel quite poorly on a regular basis.

I find the whole thing incredibly degrading, I've honestly never felt so worthless. The fact that I can't even look after myself in a tiny accommodation which has no stairs, and everything is only a few steps away at the age of 21 kills me a little bit. It's just totally ruined me basically, we all know I hate giving up on things, and I often like to define myself as a "trooper" for all the stuff I've managed to do by not giving up. 

But unfortunately this time I have to give up, and I'll be moving in with Simon and his family, and see where I can go from there... Fingers crossed I'll be up and running again shortly, I'll be sure to blog about it when I am, but in the meantime, it'll be time to rest and prepare myself for my next hospital appointment - which will probably include being prescribed a new injection :(

TTFN,
Ta ta for now.

My Update On Life!

Hellooooo!!! 

It's been a while, again! (Sorry, I have no consistency, my baddd!) I've actually been quite a busy bee over the last month, with moving to Butlins and starting my job here. But I've been here for over a month now, so I figured it was about time that I blogged again. Well, I suppose if you're reading this, you'll be glad to know I'm having a fantastic time so far, I've met loads of amazing new friends (who, I don't have any photos with, so there's actually no proof... Note to self: Take more photos with friends!) who've made settling in here easy, and have also made me super happy, naturally! 

Team!

I've been enjoying my job immensely too, I've been designated as 'host' which means I get to greet all the guests at the door, take them to their tables and wave them goodbye as they leave. It's lovely because I get to meet and chat with so many different, lovely people who all have interesting stories to tell. Initially, I didn't enjoy hosting very much, but with the help of my fellow team, it's become a role that I love :) But, although there is so much positive stuff, obviously, there's my arthritis to ruin things. Well, I say ruin things, it doesn't ruin anything as such, but it is a constant struggle, and I will often find myself terribly limping home after a day of work. It's a pain in the butt to put it frankly, but it's not been anywhere near as bad as I expected.

I've tried a few new things since starting work here, well, to be precise: Copper insoles, glucosamine tablets and "paingone pen". For the insoles, and the tablets, I'm not really sure if they're helping or not, it's a struggle to tell when you're constantly active. As for the paingone pen I've not used it much yet (for those wondering, the 'paingone pen' is a thing that looks like a pen, that you click against where is hurting 30 times and it sends tiny electric shocks to it, to make it not hurt). The reason I've not used it much, is because I'm not generally sure when to use it or where... I've tried it on my ankle with little success, but to be fair, if there was anything out there that could take away the pain from my ankle, I'd be amazed and love it forever. But, obviously I'm going to persist with all of these things (including Flexiseq, which I'm still on with), it's nice to try some things which are different (and not NHS prescribed!) 

On the note of NHS prescriptions, I generally feel a hell of a lot better generally since quitting my methotrexate and folic acid, obviously not arthritis wise (although, I wouldn't say I feel any different arthritis wise) but like, general wellbeing wise, I obviously feel less ill, and just generally happier without it. As much as methotrexate was a Godsend during my younger years, it got to a point where I couldn't imagine putting myself through taking that medication for the rest of my life, like, I would genuinely rather suffer with my arthritis more for the rest of my life, than take that vile medication... (Although, if you take methotrexate, and it's good for you, and you're okay with it, you keep on it!) It's a good medication, but it was simply too rough for me, I couldn't deal with the days of sickness it would put me through, and the anxiety every week of knowing I had to inject it and then obviously... The blood tests. (My gosh, I am so grateful to not have those right now!).

So, all in all, I've had a pretty good month, I've learnt a lot about myself, and grown as a person (I think)... As cheesy as that sounds... But I'm honestly loving life here, and I'm sure it can only continue to get better. :)

Cheers for reading,
TTFN, ta ta for now :)

Trying Something New

Hello!!! I hope you're all doing well - I'm certainly doing far better than I was!

I recently got myself a job waitressing at Butlin's for the summer, which I start on Monday! (Exciting!) And I've also started a business venture of my own, becoming a Forever Business Owner - but I'll probably write a separate blog post about that at some point! :)

This blog post is actually about a product I'm currently using for my arthritis - Flexiseq. I've been using Flexiseq for the past couple of weeks on my knee and ankle, after I was contacted by the company to offer me a sample as they'd seen my blog! (woo!) I accepted a sample, although I was incredibly sceptical. "How is something you rub on your skin supposed to help your joint!?!" I would say. But I began using it on my ankle and knee twice a day as instructed regardless of what I believed.

Flexiseq is actually most commonly used for osteoarthritis (another thing to add to my scepticism). But two weeks later and I've just ordered my next tube off Amazon, because this stuff is great!!! It has helped significantly with my knee and ankle pain (but mostly my knee!) I've gone from needing to use my walking stick on a daily basis to only needing it every now and then when I've been on my feet for ages. I'm not saying this is a miracle cure, but has definitely given me great improvement, and I shall continue to use it, I would use it on more of my troublesome joints (such as my elbow) but unfortunately it's a bit expensive for me to do that at the minute. I think that's the main downfall of the product - that it's a bit expensive and you're required to use a lot, one tube has only lasted me two, nearly three weeks for an ankle and knee, and at the minute a tube of 50g on Amazon is £12.50 (which is a lot cheaper than it currently is in Boots etc!).

One massive positive of this gel (asides from the fact it's done good) is that it's drug free!! That's right, you read that correctly, drug free!!! Which I think is really amazing, because it means there's no nasty side effects, and won't interact with any medication you're on, which is brill! And it's also great because I hope some day to be completely drug free, (as I don't want all my medication doing nasty things to me in the long run!) So this gel is a step in the right direction, and I hope other companies will follow in its footsteps towards helping arthritis sufferers become drug free!

Ultimately, if you have arthritis, I'd suggest giving it a go! It might not work for you, but it also might really help you! You'll never know until you try, and if you look at reviews on the internet, you'll see there's a range of positive and negative reviews, because like everything, it'll work for some people, and it won't for others. That's life! As for me, it's helped me massively, and is one step closer to the drug free life I dream of!

Thanks for reading, and if you'd like any more information on Flexiseq, visit their website at: http://www.flexiseq.com/  

TTFN, ta ta for now!!! :)

Some Context...

Hello!! I hope you're all well, and that assessments are going well if you're doing them! (One more performance for me and then I'm done! Woohoo!) I also had my hair done again today! Back to red and I love it! :D

 I thought I'd write a blog, just to give a little context to my last post, as it was written quite in the moment and based on how I was feeling at the time. But since, I've managed to collect my thoughts and what not.

So, as much as it may not seem it - my diagnosis of depression & anxiety is really quite relevant to this blog. Something I never realised was how much methotrexate really effects EVERYTHING. If I'd have known it was going to have such a knock-on effect with life, I perhaps would never had started taking it, but I suppose as a child, the effects weren't quite relevant. Basically, due to my methotrexate there's a whole two medications my nurse is allowed to give me. One is old, and they don't really use it anymore, and the other is Mirtazapine, which I am currently on. 

At the minute it's not really working for me, although it did initially. So now I've joined the mental health waiting game to see a psychiatrist, which I have to wait 2 months for. And that's just so they can assess me to find out which medications they can give a try while taking methotrexate. So this is the second time methotrexate has ruined things (first time was inability to have Yellow Fever jab due to it, which means I'm no longer climbing Mt. Kenya this year :( ).    

You never really realise how one thing can effect another so much, especially when it's arthritis! All you think it does is make your joints hurt... But it's far more complex unfortunately.

As an update on the arthritis front, in my last appointment I got put on Hydroxychloroquine and was supposed to be referred to talk about surgery for my ankle, but I've heard nothing yet.. I think I've been forgotten :( ... What I found with Hydroxychloroquine was, while I was on it, I simply thought it didn't work, and my arthritis got a lot worse, so I assumed it was simply a flare up... But after stopping taking it, my arthritis suddenly went back to being better (but still bad - just as it was before)... So I assume from that, that hydroxychloroquine actually made my arthritis worse... Which is crazy! I never thought that would be the case, but heyho! 

Anyway! Cheers for reading, as per usual! :)

TTFN, Ta ta for now! 
x

A Bit of Honesty...

Hey, sorry for not blogging for a while, I'm in my final term of uni, and I've been quite busy recently, mostly with dissertation, but it's finally submitted!

My finally finished diss!

Alongside this, I've also struggled to find any inspiration to blog if I'm honest... So, this blog is about something I've kinda wanted to blog about for a while, but have been pretty scared to... So, about 5 months or so ago, after a few years of struggling, I finally sought help and got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have since been treat with Mirtazapine and a course of CBT, but am currently awaiting an appointment with a psychiatrist.

It's a topic I struggle to talk about, I'm not particularly good with feelings (mine or others) -hence why it took me so long to get help, but I know it is something that needs to be talked about... I suppose the reason I think this is because, even though there is no one set 'reason' for being diagnosed with depression, I definitely think my arthritis is one of them.

I've struggled with arthritis for 8 years now, and through that, I have noticed that, naturally, when my pain is bad, my mood is also bad, and lately my pain has been particularly bad, therefore taking my mood with it. Arthritis also gives me a pretty bad outlook on life, I believe that I'll never get a job and that I'll end up living off a disability allowance, I believe that when (if) I have kids I won't be able to play or look after them like I should, I believe that everyone who sees me limping is judging me, and that no one believes that I genuinely have arthritis, and that I'm just an 'attention seeker'. 

On top of these beliefs of what people think of me, it doesn't particularly help that I've always struggled to make/maintain friendships, and I pretty much believe that no one likes me. Which is a pretty petty thing to think, especially at the age of 21, but it's something I've believed all the way through school, college and university.

I don't really know where I'm going with this blog, I suppose I have a lot of stuff that I've wanted to get off my chest for a while. Really, I'd just suggest if you feel down, it's okay to seek help. I wish I'd done it earlier, and I wish my rheumatolagists had maybe even asked me about it, because it's definitely something they should consider, in any kind of chronic illness, that the effect it has on your life, could potentially make you feel this way. 

Basically, it's okay to not be okay, and you should seek help or talk to family/friends if you feel this way. We're all too quick to dismiss our mental health and are often happy to put it at risk for the sake of getting an assignment done on time, or making sure your house is tidy (I don't know, just examples!)

Sorry for the unhappy blog, maybe I'll be a bit cheerier next time.

Until then,
TTFN, ta ta for now x

The Rest Of The Trip!! 28th August - 6th Sept

So, unfortunately for the rest of the trip I failed to keep my diary going... But, on the 28th August we started the day with the porters congratulating us on getting to the top, and singing a few songs for us - which was great! Then we carried on down the bottom of the mountain, Simon and I took quite a long time... But we got to see a few animals on the way down!

Chama-Chama-Chama-Chama-Chama-Chameleoonn

 The picture I took wasn't great, but we saw a very cute little chameleon crossing our path, which our guide gave a lift across the path to. We also saw loads more of the monkeys we'd seen on the first day (the ones that look like tree skunks). And last but not least we saw a baby blind mole rat which was scuttling around the path.

When we were nearing the end of our trek down the mountain, we got picked up by the mountain 'ambulance' (as it was getting quite late) which meant we got a fun, off-road drive down to the bottom of the mountain! When we got to the bottom, we had to sign out (so they knew we'd left the mountain) - which they'd kept open for specially for us! And then had some very delayed lunch of cold chicken and chips before getting a lift back to Mama Moshi's, where we were greeted with a cheer from the rest of the team. We were excited to finally get a hot shower... Until it turned out there'd been power cuts, so there was no hot water... Sad times... But we troopered on and had a celebratory meal and beer with the rest of the team before getting an early night ready to head on Safari the next day.

Elephants in camp!

On the 29th we headed to Tarangire National Park for our lunch and then an evening game drive. When we arrived we were amazed to see how close the animals were to our camp, there were so many elephants just walking around our camp! After being given our tents, we went on our evening game drive, where we saw loads of animals, but to name to most important - we saw elephants (obviously!), giraffes, zebra, ostriches, lions and a leopard. (So now, I'm going to show you a few of my best photos)

When we finished the game drive we came back to camp for a meal, and got ourselves to bed ready for another early morning, as we were doing a morning game drive the next day. 

Leopard just chilling in the tree

So, the next day we woke up bright and early for breakfast before our morning game drive. Today's game drive was incredibly successful, as we, very luckily, got to see some cheetahs! It was very exciting for everyone when our driver heard there were cheetahs around and we headed there!

Cheetahs underneath a tree

(Annoyingly I can't get all these pictures to go in the places I want them to.. grr..) Anyway, after that we headed back to Hostel Hoff (near Mama Moshi's) ready to travel to Zanzibar tomorrow!! 

We shared  a delicious meal, and played some card games (and petted the very sweet dogs that lived at the hostel) - they were genuinely very cute, one of them kept climbing into peoples laps so they would pet them :D 

I've decided I'll continue on a separate blog post, as this one's a lot longer than I thought it would be!! So I'll try post about our time in Zanzibar ASAP!! And then I can get back to blogging normal arthritis-y stuff! (blegh)!!

Hope you're enjoying reading about my time in Tanzania!!

TTFN,

Ta ta for now! :)

                                                       

Day 7 - DAY 5 OF THE CLIMB! SUMMIT NIGHT!!! - 27th August

Jambo!! Today I OFFICIALLY REACHED THE SUMMIT OF KILIMANJARO!!!! Along with everyone else in the team (28/28!) which is pretty epic!

We woke up at 1am and set off at 2am, so everyone was shattered to begin with. All you could see was head torches moving along the path for the first few hours, and then we got to see an incredible sunrise.

Just as the sun started to rise!

Seeing the sun rise was a brief bit of motivation to keep going, as before that it was just cold and dark... But, the motivation was short lived, as carrying on going upwards just became harder and harder. The path we were walking on was a scree path, so every step we took, it seemed like we slipped back another half a step, which was what made the day really hard.

The hardest bit was getting to Stella Point, as it was so steep, on scree path and we just had no energy left, as well as a lingering headache and generally not feeling great from the altitude. We got very close to Stella Point when Simon just seemed to shut down temporarily, I don't really know what happened to him, but he just seemed to stop, and he sat down and we were both scared he wouldn't make it to the peak.

After not long he was helped up to Stella Point, and we were greeted with fellow team mates, guides and a cold ginger tea. After a little rest, we all set off on an hour long walk to the summit - where we came across the rest of the group all on the way back and we all stopped and congratulated each other, which was nice.
The walk to the summit was a steady ascent, so it was nice compared to the walk to Stella Point. Except for the lack of oxygen we all had. But seeing all the glaciers was amazing, - and they'll probably only be around for another 20 years because of climate change, so we were pretty lucky to get to see them.

High above the clouds and a glimpse of the glaciers

I finally arrived at the summit, with Simon, Katie, Will, Ro, Dan, Emma, Gabbie and Josh (and a group of guides), and the views were beautiful!! We took lots of cheesy photos with the signs and most of us had a little cry - it was amazing we'd all got that far after a year of planning and preparing.

All of us at the Summit! (photo courtesy of Gabbie Majer)

We only spent around 15 minutes at the summit before we had to begin our descent. (You're not allowed to spend long there due to lack of oxygen). Initially, 2 guides kind of linked my arms and pulled me down, but then they decided it'd be easier to take turns piggy back'ing me down (as I can't walk downhill very well) to the camp we stayed at last, for some late lunch!

After that we carried on down further (walking and piggy back'ing) until we finally got to our camp for the night! Which I was pretty glad for, to say the least!

It's been an amazing (but pretty hard) day, and it still hasn't quite sunk in that I've climbed Kilimanjaro!!

Lala Salama! 

(P.S. I apologise that I took so long to blog this, I suddenly got quite busy and completely forgot!!! My bad!!!)